It's All Too Much

Everything bears down on my slender shoulders, and it's getting to be too much. Everything that used to be effortless has become effort. Everything. From getting up in the morning, to eating, to putting a fucking smile on my face for my friends. All I want to do is curl up in my warm bed, and just stay there and listen to music and sleep a bunch. It sucks. I have to pretend to be happy, because everyone else thinks they have shit to deal with. I don't want to be a burden. But, seriously... when is anyone going to help me?

Here is a list of shit

-My Dad is dealing with horrible people he is working with, but it's making him take his anger out on us and making me hate him.

-My friend (Philippa) is dealing with guilt, and I'll helping to counsel her. I really want to help her, but it's hard.

-I'm failing Algebra

-My best friend is moving at the end of the year.

-None of my supposed friends (except for Philippa) either notices or cares that something is wrong

-I haven't cried for months

-Shannon is confusing me to no end

-I feel lonely all the time

-I might have an autoimmune disease called Celeac disease

I can't deal. I have tried many methods of dealing with this. I have started to close my feelings up inside me. I haven't cried in months, which is not normal for me. When I feel like crying, my face just goes dead. Nothing happens. Even so, I think I haven't been acting normal. I'm surprised my family hasn't even noticed. Which just makes me sort of hate them. I don't want to hate them. They are my family... but I can't help it. It's mostly my parents. Not so much my siblings. I hate everything.

everything is pointless.