Simply a scratch

Just, simply a scratch. Nothing more. That's what you think. Believe the lie I tell you and move on. Just a little scratch is all, no harm done. I probably got it when I went on a walk. Just believe that and yea, walk away.

Want the truth?

"I'm fine" really means "I'm not fine, please help"
"I'm just tired" really means "I can't take this anymore"
"I already ate" really means "I starve myself"
"Go away" really means "Show me you care enough to stay"
"I'm better, I promise" really means "I've never been this bad"
"I'm OK" really means "I want to die"

I'm slowly giving up. I'm that friend that has to walk behind the group when the path isn't big enough. I'm that friend that gets cut off in the conversation. I'm that friend who gets left behind when I asked them to wait for me. I'm that friend that doesn't get invited to hang out alot. I'm that friend that if I want to go to the mall or some place with a friend I have to be the one to invite the people to make sure I get included. I'll always be that friend.

You have no idea how much I don't want to wake up in the morning  I often imagine how people would react to my death. I'll break down and cry, I'll drag a razor across my skin, I'll scream out that I want to die, but no one will listen. I want to stop eating. I want to stop speaking. I want to stop smiling. But I'm scared someone will notice and do something stupid, like save me.

It's ok, I hate me too. Nobody wants me; not even myself. How can you stand to look at me? I can barley look at myself

I feel like I'm not anyone's first choice. Neither their favorite. Even if people tell me I'm important to them or I mean a lot to them, I know there's always someone they prefer to be with. Someone they choose over me. And that hurts. A lot.

Sometimes, when I'm with people or doing something... I can forget for a while. I laugh and smile and it feels real. But, then I get to my room and it always comes back. The crushing feeling of being alone and unwanted and worthless and disgusting. It always comes back, no matter what I do. Always.

Don't try to save me. I'm not worth the time.