Really Hard Day

Man, what a hard day today. First off, let me tell you something. I normally go to bed at midnight every night because I have lots of work I need to do. That's fine. I have gotten used to it. Now, picture this. You go to bed at midnight, but then you have to get up at 5am to go to swim practice. Oh, and it gets better. When you get to training, you find out it's going to be hard. You already could never really do long distance... but now that you have developed Iron Deficiency Anemia, it makes it even harder. Somehow, you survive... but then you are looking at a full day of school and play practice (which you have a lead in and have to help everyone else with their parts because you have a good eye) after school until 18:30, running on very little food and a lot of water, because you want to watch your weight. Then you are up till midnight and the whole process repeats itself. This is my life, on a normal day. This doesn't include Saturdays and Sundays. So as you can see I have a busy life. I am not complaining... but then you have one day where it's just shitty. Today for example. Hard training in the morning and then hard classes. Then, because I had finished my scene, I had to help people get costumes and props and stuff and help people do lines AND helping people ACT BETTER! Then YOU'RE FATHER YELLS AT YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE BEING A LITTLE INSENSITIVE! Yes! I get it! His hand hurts after all the surgery and stuff! I GET IT! But, I LITERALLY thought I was going to collapse on my feet. MY VISION EVEN WENT DARK AT ONE POINT! BUT NOOOOO, I FOUGHT IT, BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO FAINT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE! And, then he is yelling at me and calling me names. Of course I knew in my heart that he didn't mean any of the things he said, but it still hurt. Plus, whenever I go into math class, I actually feel like I am RETARDED! I feel like the STUPIDEST person on the plant, even though I am working so hard to get that grade up. AND ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE- I am REALLY insecure! But, i don't tell anyone that, because I know people will just tell me I have no reason to feel like that, INSTEAD of someone actually helping me. OH! And I am having a LOT of trouble with friends. I won't go into that right now and save it for another day.

The point is, I have a lot on my plate. I honestly don't think my life sucks... but sometimes, it just gets so overwhelming and I feel like I'm drowning. I always pull myself back up, but sometimes you just need to rant. You need to let out your frustrations. Right now though... I honestly just want to curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep.