Back in the Days

Just now, I was looking in the mirror, trying on cloths, playing music and I couldn't help feeling... sad. I just kept looking and kept thinking "There is nothing special about you... nothing that makes you stand out... except your short hair... and even then.... its nothing special." I tried to block the thought out. I tried with all my might. But, sadly they kept coming back, snaking around my head like a horrible fog. I have always tried to stand out, but am I really all that different from all the girls in my school. I try desperately not be like them, but somehow... I feel like its not working. I feel like I'm starting to become like the people I despise. I keep thinking about my looks. I keep wishing for cool cloths. I keeping wishing to be like the girls I see on TV. I keep silently obsessing about my weight. I look in the mirror and don't like what I see. I don't want to be like this, but somehow it happened. I want to go back to the days where I didn't care what people thought of me. Where I didn't think about cloths, or makeup, or my weight. I want to go back to the days where it was totally fine that I didn't think like everyone else. Where life was easy. I didn't have to worry about looking good or thinking "What if I look bad.... what if I look stupid..." I didn't have any of that when I was young. I was happy with just being me. But, now... I don't think I like what I see anymore. I like whats on the inside, but not the outside. Gah! I hate this. I just want to feel happy. I hate being insecure! But I CAN'T HELP IT! And that is what scares me.