Reality vs. Minds

Have you ever been watching a movie with your friends or family, and they are all talking, but you are silent? And you are silent because you are captivated by the movie? And you are desperately wishing you life was like that movie? I have. This usually happens when I watch movies from the 80s. Just tonight I was watching the Breakfast Club, and I kept wishing that my life would be like that movie. And then I realized why. I realized the reason that I so severely wanted to be in that movie was... no one bothered to... really... talk to me. Everyone assumes that I am ok... when I'm not. I'm really not... And I... I... I wish someone did. There is this girl, who shall remain nameless, who had problems. I'm not saying she is making them up or anything... I know she has a hard life... but people (me included) take her aside when she is upset and let her know she can talk to them. All I want is... someone who will do that for me. Someone who will realize that something is wrong and I am hurting inside. Someone who will take ME aside and say "Look, I know somethings up. You can tell me what's wrong." That is all I want. I think people assume that I have a good life and I have nothing to worry about. People assume that because I have a supporting family and friends, that I am ok. They always tell me, when I try to open up, that someone is worse off than me. They say stuff like "At least you have friends" or "At least you have a family that cares for you." And then I want to scream at them! I want to yell "I KNOW! I HAVE HEARD THIS A MILLION TIMES! BUT I STILL FEEL ALONE AND SAD AND SH*T! WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN!?" But I never do. I keep my mouth shut, pretending that what they have said has made me feel better. And I never do. I feel so alone. I feel so unwanted. I feel so tired and sad. I just am...... alone...

New Territory

As you know, I have started school already. A lot of people have gone and a lot have come in. What I want to talk about, is my Drama class. Most of the people I know. There is this one girl though. She is new this year. We have really clicked. She seems really cool and nice. We have a few classes together and we go to the deli at lunch and everything. She even bought me food one day! And she has just gotten to know me. She is super easy going and fun to laugh with. She even loves My Chemical Romance, which is my favorite band. She is sooooo chill. I seriously hope that we will become close friends. She invited me over to her house on Friday and I'm excited to go. But, I am also scared. This is new territory for me. I haven't really made new friends in a while and I'm nervous. But, I'm pretty sure it will go fine. She is just really cool. and I really hope we will become close. I would really like that. Well, we will see :)

Already???

Finally got my new desk! I am very excited because now I have somewhere to work!!! And don't I need it. Already I have a lot to do... I have homework and I have to prepare for auditions and I still really want to work on my writing. Of course I knew my life was going to be busy, but I didn't expect it to be so soon. I have only had two days of school. Though, I do like the work, because after a summer of doing nothing... it's kind of a nice change. And I get to see my friends regularly now. Which is good. And in school, at lunch and stuff, I can FINALLY go off campus to the deli!!! :) I'm super excited about that. I have some cool people I get to spend time with and some really cool classes. Yes, I miss Emilie dearly, but I have made some new friends and have gotten closer to some old ones, so it's all good. I feel much more comfortable, I don't know why... but I do :) I have to go now, I have drama homework :D