Perspectives or Truth?

Everyone says when you are a teenager, you have a different perspective, but is this always true? I don't think so. Lately I have been feeling terrible, but not because of my looks. I think I am good looking... that is not the issue, it's quite hard to explain. I see girls, my age, getting attention from boys. And people who think they are ugly, yet most boys find them sooooo hot. And I think to myself, 'When is it my turn? When do I get to have someone who is crazy about me?' Even this girl, whom I respect greatly, has a boyfriend and they are crazy about each other. She is quite punk goth and stuff. Anyway, the point is, I feel alone. It seems that when I start to be happy with a guy, something happens, and I am alone again. I have somewhat lost faith that I will ever get a boyfriend or anything of that sort, until I leave for collage and maybe even beyond that. I don't know. But, is this all just in my head? Am I being a typical teenager? Or is it the truth?

It's All Too Much

Everything bears down on my slender shoulders, and it's getting to be too much. Everything that used to be effortless has become effort. Everything. From getting up in the morning, to eating, to putting a fucking smile on my face for my friends. All I want to do is curl up in my warm bed, and just stay there and listen to music and sleep a bunch. It sucks. I have to pretend to be happy, because everyone else thinks they have shit to deal with. I don't want to be a burden. But, seriously... when is anyone going to help me?

Here is a list of shit

-My Dad is dealing with horrible people he is working with, but it's making him take his anger out on us and making me hate him.

-My friend (Philippa) is dealing with guilt, and I'll helping to counsel her. I really want to help her, but it's hard.

-I'm failing Algebra

-My best friend is moving at the end of the year.

-None of my supposed friends (except for Philippa) either notices or cares that something is wrong

-I haven't cried for months

-Shannon is confusing me to no end

-I feel lonely all the time

-I might have an autoimmune disease called Celeac disease

I can't deal. I have tried many methods of dealing with this. I have started to close my feelings up inside me. I haven't cried in months, which is not normal for me. When I feel like crying, my face just goes dead. Nothing happens. Even so, I think I haven't been acting normal. I'm surprised my family hasn't even noticed. Which just makes me sort of hate them. I don't want to hate them. They are my family... but I can't help it. It's mostly my parents. Not so much my siblings. I hate everything.

everything is pointless.

Panic! At The Disco: The Ballad Of Mona Lisa

:O orgasmmmmsssss

Stuck Unwillingly in Middle School

It's not fair. My grade seems to be split in two. There are the people who have given up Middle School thinking and have moved on to High School, like me, and a few of my friends. But, then some others including one of my closest friends, and it's not fair, becuase she is all like "Oh, this year sucks. I want to go back to 8th grade. I loved 8th grade." And I hate that. 8th grade sucks for me. I love her, but she needs to grow up a little

Why Me? Desperate for Answers.

Why Me? Over the years, from the time I was 12, but, the question it is even more important now. Now, if you are a girl reading this, and you go through the same thing I do... please, message me or something, because I feel very alone. Every month (:p Now you know where I'm going) for two days... I get cramps so bad, I can't move, throw up everything in my stomach (even medicine, if I don't take it fast enough) and my legs hurt. I hate it. I feel as though it controls my life. Like today for example. It's my second day, and I had swimming this morning. I got up, and felt ok, and I got ready... then it started to hurt. I took a pill... and waited... and waited. At this point, I was in the locker room at the pool. I couldn't move. It hurt so badly, it took all my will power not to scream. In my head, I beg for someone to shoot me, point blank, so I can end this agony. I had to leave, because I couldn't do practice. I was fine later, because the medicine kicked in, but I felt so angry. I hate that I can't control that. I hate that it dictates my schedule. I HATE it. I just wish I had a magic pill to make it go away. I just want my life back.

My Life is Complicated

My Life is too complicated. Alsak has lost. He has lost me... because I can't wait anymore. But, there is this other guy... I met him on ISTA, and from the minute I caught him looking at me... I have felt a pull towards him. I really liked him. But he has a girlfriend... so I put the feelings aside. But, then we keep talking, and I find out he likes me too. And now, I love him and he says he loves me too. He makes me laugh and he makes m heart stop just by smiling. He is my perfect devil. And he calls me his sweet angle. I seriously... seriously like him. And I feel like a horrible person saying this but, I wish he and his girlfriend break up so he could be with me. I'm a horrible person! :(

Confused and in need of a Hero

I'm so confused. I like him so much. I had a swim meet in Cobham England on Friday 3rd. We were on a bus for 7 hours. We talked and laughed, and flirted. Then at the swim meet, we kept talking. He helped me out and stuff. When I was finished with my events and his last one didn't happen for a while, we went to sit on some comfy couches and I sat in his arms talking. He asked me if I wan't to go back and I said "Not really, but it's up to you." He just looked at me and said "We can stay for a little while longer." So we did, and then we left. The next day, we had a training, and then we had another 7 hour bus ride back. This is where it gets interesting.

I got kind of sick and he helped me out. Then half way into our journey, we were on the train, and he was lying down and the train jolted and I fell on top of him (with my back on his chest) and he put his arms around me and we stayed there. Then we got up after a little bit, and we just talked with the group. Then when we only had an hour or so left, he was sitting up kind of and I was lying on his chest. On of his arms was across my stomach and holding my hand (waffling!) and his other hand was on my neck/cheek... his fingers playing with the tips of my short hair on the back of my neck. My hand, the one that wasn't holding his, was doing the same thing, my thumb caressing his cheek. We talked and he looked at me so tenderly. He kept trying to make me smile. It worked. He also smiled (mostly with his brilliant eyes, but sometimes with his mouth). I loved it, but then we had to get out, because the bus was at the school.

Then on Monday, he was all cold again. Like nothing had ever happened. Like, I was nothing to him. I'm SO confused. But I know the bus ride happened because, I have witnesses. I didn't make it all up in my head!!! I know I didn't! I just am confused. So, anyone want to give some advice? I would love a hero right now. Preferably male, but all heroes may apply! :) Anyone?